Stress can affect people of all ages. In children, feeling upset can be particularly difficult because using coping techniques is a learning process. Parents can start to help facilitate working through stressful moments by responding to their child’s big emotions with emotional regulation techniques (a.k.a. calming).

When responding to an outburst, tantrum, or acting out, it is important to start by making your child feel safe. Speak calmly and avoid yelling to prevent them from feeling threatened. Verbally tell them that they are safe with you. Body language is an important communication tool, so be sure you are conveying a calming and safe message to your child. Give your full attention to your child, put aside distractions such as your phone or turn off the television. Get down on your child’s level and maintain an open, nonthreatening posture. It is okay if you need to check in with yourself as well; before you are able to address their emotions, you may take a moment for yourself to take deep breaths or put them in a safe space (or with a safe person) and step away. Sometimes, if you or your child are not ready to discuss face-to-face, parallel activities can act as a less confrontational environment to start a conversation; try going for a walk, coloring together, or riding in the car. 

Mindfulness and grounding techniques can be very useful for calming an upset child. Remember, young children especially may not be able to do these techniques for the first time when upset, so it is important to practice them even when your child is calm and happy.

• 5 senses: Help ground your child by having them identify sensations in the environment around them. Work with them to name 5 things they see, 4 things they hear, 3 things they can feel/touch, 2 things they smell, and 1 thing they taste.

• Breathing techniques: Taking slow deep breaths can help someone calm down. Box breathing (breathe in for the count of 4, hold the breath for 4, then breathe out for 4 while making the visual drawing of a box on your hand) and 4-7-8 breathing (breathe in for the count of 4, hold the breath for 7, then breathe out for 8) can be effective ways to practice taking timed deep breaths. If counting is not effective, try practicing belly breathing and have your child place one hand on their stomach and the other on their chest to feel the movement when they take a deep breath.

• Sensory techniques: Sensations such as movement, touching, or even drinking water can be calming for the body. Try walking or rocking/swaying with your child. You can offer them a big hug or even massage their arms or legs. Some people even find a tapping technique called EFT (emotional freedom technique) to be effective as a form of acupuncture without using needles.

• Movement: Go for a walk or jog with your child. Try getting them moving to release tension or built-up feelings: do some jumping jacks, stretching, or you can try having a mini dance party!

Regulating emotions is difficult for people of all ages; these are just some of the ways children can be taught to cope. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional state (such as anxiety or depression), please call to schedule an appointment with one of our providers.

Healthy Children. (May 17, 2024). Why Kids Act Out: Tips to Help Your Child Cope with Stress. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/why-kids-act-out-tips-to-help-your-child-cope-with-stress.aspx